first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
