Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
