Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
