I faked an abortion last night.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
