You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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