we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
