Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
