oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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