You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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