I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
