I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
