laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
