I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
