Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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