It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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