Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
