i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
