Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
