Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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