So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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