That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
