Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
