last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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