tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Girls should come with a carfax report
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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