My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You did what with his pubic hair?
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