another moral hangover. fuck.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
