My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
