just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
