yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
