I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
