I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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