So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
