Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
