Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
