um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
