I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
