proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize