my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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