i just sent this text using only my big toe
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
