why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
