Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
