I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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