She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Hippo gnu deer
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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