im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
