Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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