i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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