1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
