respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
