I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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