There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
