You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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