I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
