Say something about gay babies.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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