What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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