Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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