I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
