Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
