You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
