I will die if light touches me.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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