is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
