Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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