i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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