soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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