UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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